you know...

i keep wondering why i have all these kinds of demoralising thoughts. maybe its a lack of confidence.
or maybe its just because im not as good as everybody else. thats why i keep worrying about everything. im not as good as everybody else.

so i worry to convince myself that i am doing something about it. but who am i deceiving? nothing's gonna happen if i worry my whole life away or something.

but its instinctive. its like.. something's just there saying im the dumbest lousiest person on earth.

and i cant helpt believing it.

because thats what i've known since... forever.

im not as good as everybody else

if i were to just ignore and just shrug that feeling off.

if only it was that easy.

its like if i ever put that feeling down... a whole part of my life just sort of disintegrates.

because thats what i have been believing.

the whole world is sudddenly going in the other direction. and i currently have two seconds to adapt to it.